Anger Management Evaluation

We get angry when we look at a trigger situation and come to the conclusion that there is an injustice present. We conclude that in this situation something is not fair, or something is wrong. Something is not right or not how it should be. Someone is not doing what they are supposed to do, or something is not working the way it should.

• Why am I mad at my wife who is being critical? Because she should not treat me like that. I don’t deserve that king of treatment. She should treat me with respect. I have come to the conclusion that that’s not right.
• Whey am I angry at the driver in front of me? Because that driver should go when the light turns green. Green means go. that’s what drivers are supposed to do. Wheat that driver is doing is wrong.
• Why are most parents mad at their teenagers? Because their teen are not listening and obeying likely they should. And these parents have come to the conclusion that this behavior is wrong.
• Why are most teenagers mad at their parents? Because from their perspective, their parents are not being fair. They also have come to the conclusion that there is an injustice present.

We can get angry at other people, objects, ourselves or even at God.

• We get mad at people when we conclude that what they are doing is wrong.
• We get mad at objects (like a phone or a computer) when we conclude that they aren’t working like they should.
• We get mad at ourselves when we conclude that we made a mistake and did something wrong. We think, “I shouldn’t have done that. I hate myself for what I did. That’s not what I was supposed to do.”
• We might even get mad at God if we conclude that he did something wrong, like allowing a loved one to get sick or die. It is very common for people who are experiencing grief and loss to have significant anger problems because they believe it is not right the their loved one was taken away from them.

But no matter the problem or who we are mad at, the root of all these situations is the same. We are angry because we have come to the conclusion that there is an injustice. Something is wrong. Something is not the way it should have been. That is what makes us angry.

We get angry when something inside of us senses this injustice, that something is not fair. Something is not the way it should be. From our perspective, there is a sense of injustice. Something deep us says, “that’s not right!” “this is wrong” or “that’s not fair!”

Littleton kids understand this principle very well–even before they can talk. Walk over to a small child and steal their toy. Swipe a bottle from a baby. What happens? They start to cry, scream, and throw a fit. They get angry. Why? Because they conclude that what was done to them was wrong. And they know this even before they can talk (and long before anyone has ever taught them the difference between right and wrong).

I certainly didn’t have to teach my kids to say “no fair!” when something didn’t go their way. They seemed to know how to do this at birth!

No matter the example, every time you get mad it all comes down to the same basic principle: you get angry because you think about a situation in a certain way, and you come to the conclusion that there is an injustice, that something is wrong.

Excerpt taken from “Take Control of Your Anger: A Step-by-Step Guide to Anger Management” by Michael Ballard, MA, LPC