Anger Management Confrontation: Soft & Kind

One way we teach in anger management confrontation is to do it with kindness and in a softer tone. Some people hate confrontation so much that when they do confront, they water it down so much that no message gets through. Often these people don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or they fear the other person will explode if they come on too strong. they might feel like they re “walking on eggshells.” they use abstract or indirect language to say things like, “we should do something about this,” but they don’t actually say what they mean. Both anger management counselors and sexual addiction therapists teach healthy ways to confront others without hurting and say what they mean without avoidance.

Too Soft Confrontation Leads To Confusion

The problem is that these confrontations are so weak that the other person walks away not understanding what you meant to say. In an effort to sugarcoat the message so you don’t seem rude, the message gets lost. People who do this might even walk away thinking, “that went well.” But the reality is that the other person missed the point altogether because of the kind and soft confrontation. These confronts are Kind and Soft.

Ambivalent Confrontation Doesn’t Work

Other people are pushovers who setup a boundary, but then back down and get walked on. They might make a policy or rule, but then feel bad and back down. When their children act up, they tell them they are grounded, but then they don’t enforce it. They might make idle threats, but in the end they are too soft and they get walked on. To be perfectly clear: anger management does not mean getting walked on. The goal of this program is NOT to turn you into a doormat. If you were wronged, you need to respond. You need to stand up for yourself. You just need to do it in an effective manner.

Don’t Fluctuating Confrontations

Some people fluctuate between being kind and soft an mean and firm. They start kind, but then turn mean once they can’t take it anymore. As you can probably guess, this doesn’t work out very well. It’s like a girlfriend who acts like everything is fine for months and then suddenly dumps you out of nowhere. Don’t be like that.