Anger Management Confrontation: Mean & Soft

Some people have a patter of using mean and soft confrontation for their anger management. This is the worst combination. These people yell and scream and lost their temper. They start their confrontations with explosive anger. But then later they give in and get walked on. Many relationship therapists working with angry couples see this all the time.They might feel bad about what they did so they go back and let the other person have their way because they feel guilty. This happens frequently with parents and their children, and also with husbands and wives.

Extreme Anger & Guilt

One parent might yell and scream at his teenage son, grounding him for life. Only later he feels so bad for his actions that he lets his son off the hook completely. I have seen parents (and spouses) explode in anger and then feel so bad about that they buy a present to make up for it because they feel bad for their own aggression.

Mean Anger Is Harmful

This is particularly common in families where there is alcohol abuse, drug addiction, or other unhealthy relational patterns. This is an extremely harmful pattern both for you and for the other person. If you see that you are doing this, it is imperative that you stop right away.

Unhealthy Anger Teaches Unhealthy Responses

If you use mean and soft confrontation anger, then you are training the person you are dealing with to do the exact opposite of what you want them to. They are learning that as long as they make you mad enough they can get away with whatever they want an d you will feel bad and give in. I have even seen some manipulative teenagers learn this patter and exploit it to their own advantage. So don’t fall into this trap.

When you have a confrontation you want to be kind and firm. Don’t turn into a jerk and become the bad guy, making the other person the victim. But don’t become a doormat either.

If you are needing anger management, please don’t wait another day to contact our counseling center to begin learning how to manage your anger rather than suffering consequences that you cannot undo.