Anger Management Options: Explosive Anger

This is what we usually think about when we think about anger. This is someone fighting physically or verbally. Yelling, screaming, swearing, snapping. Hitting, throwing, kicking, breaking objects. Intimidation, rage, blame, explosiveness. Bickering, criticism, griping. Explosive anger is usually what it looks like when you lose your temper.

This is a choice, but it’s not aver good one. It does not resolve our problem and usually makes it much worse. Many people describe explosive anger a “a monster taking over” or “it felt like someone else was doing it.”

Why do we choose this?

The main reason why people get explosive is simple. They want to be heard.

They usually try and communicate something, and the other person either doesn’t agree, doesn’t understand, or isn’t listening. So they get louder and more explosive to make their point.

They really want to be heard, so they raise their voice, slam their fist, or break something. The underlying message here is “pay attention to me!”

They take the normal desire: “pay attention to my needs!” and push it to an extreme. They want someone to notice them and their needs. This is often linked with unhealthy dependence on others, that others must do things a certain way or they will snap.

Sometimes small things bother these people. They are always tense because they are trying to sole all of the problems they have.

People who struggle with explosive anger must learn to live with some problems and accept imperfections in the world without trying to erase them all. They must understand their own limits in forcing other people to be what they want them to be.

Pros and Cons

For many people, explosive anger feels good, at least in the short term. You feel powerful and in control and you let the tension out of your body. It may seem like others listen to you better and you are more of an authority.

You can choose explosive anger, but it is a poor choice. It has may consequences, as we’ve discussed previously. If you choose explosive anger, you are also choosing a host of  negative consequences that go along with it. These consequences might be physical, legal or relational. To continue with this choice will cause tension, suffering and ruin your relationships. And this choice could also land you in jail.

If you are struggling with anger and rage, we have a anger management counseling program that teaches skills and provides tools to help better manage anger in healthy ways.  Call us at 303-933-5800 or fill out the contact form. A counselor will contact you within 24-hours.

Excerpts taken from “Take Control of Your Anger: A step-by-step guide to anger management” by Michael Ballard, MA, LPC