Avoidance is another very popular negative coping strategy.  The basic idea is that when a problem happens you pretend like it didn’t.  You move on. You sweep it under the rug.  You ignore it.

Some people avoid by staying really busy.  If you stay busy enough then you don’t have to think about it and then you don’t have to deal with the problem.  Men are especially well known for working extra hours at work when they are angry.  If you can stay busy, you don’t have to deal with whatever is making you angry.

And conflict is messy.  It’s not fun.  if you try and talk it out maybe it won’t go well.  Maybe the other person won’t take it well.  Maybe you will blow up and make the situation worse.

So instead of dealing with it, you just avoid it.  It works in the short term.  But when you do, you create a bigger problem for yourself.  Yes, it feels better today because you don’t have to deal with it.  But it creates two major problems for you.

First of all, avoiding your problem creates tension and stress under the surface.  It often makes it hard for you to sleep and shortens your fuse. Secondly, by not dealing with your problem you are allowing the problem to continue, and in most cases grow.  So instead of dealing with a small problem, you now have a bigger problem on your hands.  If you have a problem, coping with it by avoiding is not a great answer.  If you notice that you are using drugs and alcohol, venting, or avoidance for negativing coping, kn ow that you will succeed in the short term.  But you will fail miserably in the long term.  Don’t rely on drugs and alcohol to cope.  Don’t vent and let your anger out.  And don’t avoid your problem.

Excerpts taken from “Take Control of Your Anger: A Step-by-Step Guide to Anger Management” by Michael Ballard, MA, LPC