Anger Management Option

Expressing passive aggression is an anger management option. This kind of anger is very different. Passive aggression is indirect. You might avoid someone completely. You might talk behind their back. Or you might do something sneaky to get at them in an indirect way. Most counselors and therapists in marriage suggest otherwise.

You don’t want to take part in open aggression, and might even look down on those who do. But you still attack, just not directly at the person.

Maybe you spread gossip or rumors about someone, talk about them behind their back. say something so the person will overhear the comment without directly talking to them.

You might give the silent treatment to punish someone, especially if you think this will bother the other person. You avoid the person, not answering their calls, walking down a different hallway as to not see them, not responding to emails or texts on purpose.

Or you might do something indirect to hurt the person, like  boss assigning an employee to an awful client as punishment because the boss is angry. Or baking a cake for someone and putting Ex-lax in the cake.

You may think you are controlling your anger because you are not explosive, but in reality you are creating future problems for yourself and others.

Why do you choose this?

You want to have control but don’t want vulnerability. You may use subtle sabotage to hurt others on purpose.

You might be competitive and out to win, which does not work well in relationships. It is important for you to be in control and be superior and right in almost every circumstance.

Maybe you don’t want to confront someone directly, or you want to punish them and be able to deny that you did anything.

Pros and Cons

Some people like passive aggression because they feel like they are getting people back, or they are just avoiding a situation so they don’t have to deal with it. To some it feels good because it feels like you are punishing someone. And some people have tol me that they think it is fun to be passive aggressive.

But it also has a lot of negative consequences. Passive aggression is a choice, but it will not resolve the issue and will create additional tension and fracture relationships. It is manipulative and immature. And it doesn’t actually solve your problem, it just hurts people. So it is certainly not a good choice for you to take.

Most of us choose one of the first 3 ways when we respond to anger. These are by far the most common and most popular. It’s probably what we aw modeled to us as kids. But anger does not get resolved until it is processed. None of these three ways makes our problem better, and they just make us feel worse in the long run.

If you find yourself using any of these three ways, STOP. You are using your anger to make your problem worse.

Excerpt taken from “Take Control of Your Anger: A Step-by-Step Guide to Anger Management” by Michael Ballard, MA LPC