To calm yourself down, you will need to learn some positive ways to teach your body to calm down when you are upset. The first rule of positive coping is: don’t hold it in. Avoidance is a negative coping strategy, and so dealing with your anger is important. it’s normal to fee sadness, anxiety, anger or a mix of emotions when you are upset. It’s important not to hold it in. Deal with it.
These tools, when used correctly, will help you do just that. They can help you know what to do when you are stressed and angry. They ar more difficult than negative coping, but they work in the short term and the long-term.
These are five tools that research has show works in reducing anger. Learn these five tools well:
- Space
- Time
- Breathing
- Distraction
- Muscle Relaxation
Space
The best way to start your calming down is to take some space so that you can refocus. If you are with someone and you are getting angry, remove yourself from that person. Separate.
Don’t put yourself in tight quarters with someone who is setting you off. Get some air. Get some space alone, away from others. Go into another room. If that doesn’t work, walk out of the house and get some space so that you can think. If you need to walk around the block, that is better than staying in a room and having your stress grow.
Unfortunately, we often get this wrong. We walk up to them and get in their face. We get closer. But this is the opposite of what you want to do, and this will only make your situation worse.
If you are arguing with someone, do not follow them around. This will make your problem worse. You are removing space, and space is your friend. If you are arguing with someone, do not get in their face. If you do this you are also removing space and raising the odds that yo will have a bigger problem.
Taking space the first step to calming yourself down.
One disclaimer here–I once had a client get in a fight with his wife, so he took off and went to a bar. He later told his wife that his counselor told him he needed to “take some space” when he was angry so it was my fault. Taking space is good, but let’s be a little smarter about how we do it.
Excerpt take from “Take Control of Your Anger: A Step-by-Step Guide to Anger Management by Michael Ballard, MA, NCC, LPC
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