Stuffing Anger

An option for dealing with anger is stuffing anger. Instead of outwardly blowing up, you hold your anger in. On the outside you may not look angry, but inside you are boiling, gritting your teeth. The systems can come out in depression or addictions.

You “suck it up” or “hold it in.” You say, “it’s not a big deal.” But it really is.

You may think anger is bad and so you don’t want to look angry. You may be a perfectionist who does not want to appear rattled, and you want to look good in front of others. So you pretend to feel no tension at all, even though it is there.

You might think if you show your anger then you will ruin your reputation and your friendships. You might be black and white in your thinking: all anger is bad so I should never be angry.

Why do we choose this?

Is is very common for people who have problems with explosive anger to become stuffers. They don’t want to be angry, so they hold it in. They may even think they are doing well by doing this, but the are not.

Often we choose to stuff our anger because we have fear from authority figures. You probably saw anger modeled poorly fr you as a child or were trained to think that showing emotion is not normal. Or you may have seen your anger hurt someone so you are trying not to get angry anymore.

You might feel personally defeated, with a “what’s the use” mentality. You think it won’t work, so you don’t want to bring up problems becase they might lead to a fight.

Or maybe you don’t want to show any part of yourself that is not perfect so others would judge you. This is very common in religious circles.

Pros and Cons

If you choose this option, you are not outwardly exploding, so that is good. Andy you don’t have to confront anyone on anything, and most people like that. It may even seem like you are controlling your anger with this choice. This may seem like a good choice because you are not exploding and it seems better from the outside.

But stuffing anger does not eliminate it. It is not a good long-term choice. It is mold growing in the basement. You can’t see it, but it is hurting you. Often, stuffing anger leads to explosive anger later when you can no longer hold it inside. It may also lead to depression and frustration because you feel like you are being walked on. Stuffing your anger is a choice, but not a good one.