To start the process of learning how to think through your anger, you need to first understand why you get angry. When I ask most people why the get angry, I hear responses like:
- My husband never appreciates me
- My wife always criticizes me
- My kids don’t listen to me
- My boss is a jerk
- Drivers in this town can’t drive
- People are rude to me and don’t give me respect
Some of these might sound familiar. Or maybe you have others on your list.
But no matter what makes us mad, we usually think of it like this: Someone did something and that made me mad.
But that’s not exactly right. There’s more to it than that.
You see, something did happen, and that is the first step in our anger. That’s called our trigger situation. But that’s not the complete picture. There is another step that we usually skip over.
A Common Misconception
This brings me to tan important point that most people get confused. Situations, people, and things do not make you mad.
We do not get angry because bad things happen to us. We don’t get angry because of people, things, or situations. People (like your wife), things (like your computer) or situations (like waiting in line) do not make you angry.
hat we think about situations, people, and things make us mad. We get angry because of the way we are thinking about these people, things or situations. We get angry because of how we interpret these events, view these events, and evaluate these events. That’s why we get angry.
I happens like this:
- Something happens (trigger situation)
- I think about it in a certain way (trigger thought)
Andy the way I think about it determines if I get angry or not.
Excerpt take from “Take Control of Your Anger: A Step-by-Step Guide to Anger Management by Michael Ballard, MA, NCC, LPC